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KnJ314159

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Reply with quote  #1 
I have been trying to find as much information as I possibly can to help prepare myself(and daughter) for the best possible outcome of a separation between her mother and I. And I just ran across this site recently so I hope that I can get some guidance here.

Some background:
We have been together for 10 years, never married and have an 8 year old daughter together. The past year or two I have fallen out of love with her. I have been very open about this and talked to her, let her know every step of the way what has been going on and we have been trying to work this out for some time. There is no ill-will at all from me or her.
I feel that it's about time to separate because I do not want our daughter to see anything negative come from this, and nothing has changed between the two of us. (We have both agreed to not stay together "for the kids" if it ever came to that.) After I talked to her about my feelings, she agreed that she would like to keep me in our daughters life if we split up. We have also figured out who gets what and all the other smaller details. We talked custody but no major details on that. She would take primary physical, we would share legal custody. I would like to aim for joint physical, but I'm sure we could work something out with that.

I would like to know where I should go from here. We do not want to have the courts involved, if possible. We feel that we are both mature enough to figure this out on our own and neither of us really has the money to take any of this to court either.
Is there paperwork that we can fill out and turn into the state with what we have worked out, or do we just go about our business?

Should I write down all the time I spend with my daughter in case she takes me to court later for CS? (That is, if we decide on our own about custody and support).

If we can agree on joint physical custody, would there be child support involved? When I looked at the CS calculators, they showed that I would pay anywhere from 1/4 to 3/8 of my monthly income. I cannot afford that as I only make 1,200/month and she makes almost 2,200/month. I feel like if I pay this much, then I would have to live with several other people and that could effect the amount of time I could see my daughter. Is there anything I will need to know about CS?

Any thoughts on how joint custody could be achieved when I work 3rd shift? Has anyone done this that works well for the child and parents?

I am somewhat embarrassed to admit this, but I have never actually lived on my own. We met and pretty much instantly moved in together. So, aside from anything custody related, could anyone give me tips on living alone/first time moving out? (Best case scenario, I will be getting a place with a close friend or two that have been in my daughters life from the beginning.)

Is there anything else that I may need to know or educate myself on in terms of a separation in this case? Anything I can do to help my daughter cope with this as best as possible?

I can provide more info if needed. I'm quite scared in this situation and really hoping for the best, but I'm seriously expecting the worst.

Thank you.
RussellHarper

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Posts: 4
Reply with quote  #2 
Hi KnJ314159. Are you now divorced? I suggest you not to be scared. Stay calm and handle everything calmly. Try not to share anything with your daughter as this might affect her. For your guidance, I am sharing this website about the advocate Bechara Tarabay. If you want, you can contact the lawyer to get the right advice.
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