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sillybeliever

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I went to court on Monday to modify the order to get full custody of my sons.  CSRU was there and presented the fact that I'm in arrears on my child support.  I didn't argue with this; I've been behind for quite some time.

My kids were allowed to testify about the extreme changes that have occurred since my last attempt.  They were allowed to do this in the privacy of Judge Bauch's chambers (thank God!).  My attorney and my ex's attorney were also present.  After the kids were done, my ex was called.  EVERYTHING he said was a COMPLETE CONTRADICTION to what the kids told the judge.  He went so far as to imply that I had told my middle son to make up the story about being sexually molested by my ex's wife's brotehr.  He brought up one or two incidences where my son had lied.  I could go on and on about how this man continued to lie about what goes on in his home.  He kept hounding on his credit card debt, saying they were forced to use credit cards while he and his wife went to school because I didn't pay my child support and so that's the only way they sometimes could eat.

I'm angry with my attorney for not asking specifically when this debt was acquired and how much it was.  I happen to know for a fact that it occurred mostly WHILE I WAS MAKING PAYMENTS and it's around $9,0000!!!!!  I'm angry that my attorney didn't ask my ex why his "Wonderful, caring" wife wasn't on the witness stand, since he stated on the Interrogatories that she would be.  (The reason is that if she were asked if she ever tells my sons she hates them, that they f***ing little brats, that she doesn't have to have them in her house, that their mother is a slut, etc., etc., she'd have to lie.)  I'm angry that Judge Bauch allowed my daughter to testify for her dad, even though she was listed as a witness for me.  I chose not to use her because she kept flip flopping about what she was going to say, citing things like "it's not like YOU'VE been the perfect parent, either, Mom."  When I tried to explain to her that this wasn't even about her, since she turned 18 and this was about the well-being of her brothers, specifically the one who'd been molested, she just told me she didn't want to get in the middle of it.  When she showed up at court, I was in schock.  She just grinned at me, shrugged her shoulders and said "Oh, well, this is what you get for what you've done."  It really doesn't matter that she turned on me.  She's been doing this ever since we got divorced.  Her day will come and she'll realize how wrong she was; the only thing that I'm concerned about is how this will affect the Judge's ruling.

My ex is also trying to invoke Judge Stigler's order for my last Modification attempt.  In essence, it states that if I "continue to attempt to cause disharmony in my ex's home, he has the right to request supervised visitation or none at all."  My ex tried to make the Judge believe that I put my kids up to all the complaints; that his wife "loves the kids, but because their mother tells them to hate her, she has little very little to do with them; that she NEVER says she hates them and she NEVER calls them names", etc., etc.

My questions are:  Can anyone give me some clues as to Judge Bauch's history?  I won't have a decision for 4-6 weeks.  If it doesn't go well, can someone please tell me how to appeal the decision ON MY OWN???  I don't have another $2,500 to use an attorney.

Thanks,

Kathryn

KenRichards

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Reply with quote  #2 

That's some heavy stuff! 

 

No clues as to this specific judge but as I have always said, once they rule on custody (or flip it) it is very hard to get them to change it again.  Your adult daughter testifying against you will probably hurt as that may be the most crucial testimony the judge has since children under 15 are not credible etc.  Threats of supervised or cancelled visitation mean that whomever is saying that feels somebody is unable to foster a relationship without anger etc. 

 

I know you are honest and you put so much out there that I would not expect from somebody just painting a fake picture (you list good and bad).  I hope it all works out for you and if it is at all possible I still believe some version of Joint Physical Custody would be best.  Winning custody for you will absolutely depend on the judge believing there was molestation that was both preventable and untreated in your ex's care thus showing he is not fit to protect minor children.  Not a good thought if it happened and certainly something that cannot be permitted to happen again.

 

If you want to know how he will rule it will come down to the following in recap:

 

#1 - Does he believe you are somehow unstable or hostile to such an extreme the children are at emotional risk?

#2 - Does he believe a child was molested under the care of your ex?

#3 - Does he believe your oldest daughter since she was recently minor and has now transistioned to adulthood?

#4 - Does he believe the minor children's stated version of events or does he feel they were scripted (if he finds they were scripted it will go bad for the parent he feels responsible for it)?

 

So, good luck and pray......

sillybeliever

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As my attorney put it, each one of the kids were in the judge's chambers individually.  My son who was molested will be 15 in October, my other son will be 16 in September.  My youngest is 10.  Their stories about the ex's new wife were consistent.  Their dad's lawyer tried to trick my oldest by asking him if he keeps a journal.  Philip answered by saying his therapist suggested all the kids do that.

The other lawyer hit hard on only two major issues; my child support arrearages and the fact that I'm on medication for depression and didn't know the name of the medication.  I followed the advice of my attorney and kept my answers brief, precise and to the point.  According to my fiancee and my attorney, as the ex was being questioned by his attorney, they both noticed that the judge wasn't even paying any attention; the ex just kept going on and on and on and on.  Put it this way.  I testified, my fiancee testified and our expert witness testified from 9 a.m.-11:30 a.m.  We took a break until 1:30.  Kids testified until 2:30.  2:30-4:30 it was nothing but the ex and his expounding on how I have destroyed my children.  He even asked my attorney if he had any IDEA what I have done to my children and can't he see how miserable they are?  My attorney said "I normally don't answer questions , it's my job to ASK the questions, but since you asked, I'm going to make an exception.  THESE CHILDREN ARE DELIGHTFUL and do not deserve to be called names and accused of lying!"  I held my breath on that one; thought maybe the judge would scold him, but he didn't.

There were so many things I wanted and should have brought to light.  My attorney and I both knew that would happen.  My daughter didn't actually testify AGAINST me.  She didn't really do much of anything for either of us.  Emotionally and mentally, she really kicked me below the belt and I think that was the main reason my ex did this.  The only reason she was called in was because she let it "slip" that my fiancee and I weren't living together due to some "infidelity issues".  (This was my fault.  I made the mistake of having a phone conversation with my mom about him getting in contact with another woman on line.  The "issue" was resolved); the reason I moved out was because we were told by the VA that if I lived with someone (even as a roommate) or got married, I lose my pension.  I have a real problem with living together and not being married.  Then we decided we'd live together for another two years.  By that time, I'll have gone to school to become a paralegal and make enough money that I don't need my pension.  But my daughter didn't know that.  What my ex was hoping was that I would become so emotionally unglued by her "betrayal" that it would prove I was unstable.

I'm really banking on three things.  1:  My kids' testimonies.  2.  The fact that his wife was not used as a witness (I would think that the judge would see right through that because if she had nothing to hide and really cared about my children, she would have been there, fighting to keep them).  3.  My lawyer hammered away on the fact that, after six years of college, and hundreds of applications sent to employers, since 1999, when the divorce was finalized, he has only been able to secure three jobs; one for 11 months, one for two months and now his current position.  He has two degrees and all he has to show for it is a lousy job making less than $7/hour as a sales clerk at an office supply store.

That being the case, I really need some expert advice on how to appeal pro bono, in the event this all goes down the proverbial sinkhole.

Thanks and my prayers for each of you.

Kathryn

KenRichards

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Reply with quote  #4 
Ah, the wonderful memories of court. Hopefully, the truth sets everyone free and the children get the best they deserve and not what the system calls justice in the past. They don't deserve to be with anybody that lies to them etc. I wish you well, ken
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Reply with quote  #5 

It will all depend on the values or lack there of of the judge and how lazy he is. most will take the path of least resistance wich is why it is so hard to change a goofed up order.

let us know how it ends and give us the judges name so we can vote accordinly when he/she comes up for retention.

 

good luck


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seaman

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Kathryn,

 

I have prepared several documents for my husband regarding his custody/visitation and most recently attempted name change in both Iowa and Nebraska.  It is really not too difficult to file, just follow the pattern of similar petitions when you are writing yours up.  Also, the district court clerk's office is supposed to assist pro se litigants.  They often will try to put you off by saying they can't give legal advice.  (which they can't)  They CAN however provide public information about the case, docket, etc, they also can give court rules, procedures, and administrative practice, and tell or show pro se litigants where to find pertinent statutes or rules of procedures, and identify which forms you might need and provide those forms.  There is a document called "Guidelines and Instructions for clerks who assist pro se litigants in Iowa courts" that I found online, I can't remember where, but this may help you get assistance in the clerk's office if they are being "difficult."  You can file complaints with the immediate supervisor if the employees are not helping and if that doesn't work, file a complaint with the court administrator.  Also, my son brought home a pamphlet given out by our local AEA from school which had an advertisement in it for  "Legal services corporation of Iowa."   (LSCI)  Which says it provides free state-wide services for low-income persons.  It says Family law is one of it's priorities and that it gives legal education by staff attorneys and paralegals.  It does say you would be responsible for filing fees.  The application process and consultation takes place over the phone.  The number to call for information is (515)243-2151 M-F 8:30-5:00.  I have no idea how helpful this service is, I just found the add and though it might help you. 

KenRichards

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There is the theory that if you do get crushed in court and have no money left to give - go Pro Se and (SEAMAN) is right to tell you that courts will actively discourage you from Pro Se filings.  They will tell you they can't do anything so simply concentrate on the REQUIRED FORMS.  You will get crushed a couple times - even on formality form issues but there is a serious chance that you will get to state your case in the end.  I suggest pulling a case file of someone with the same type of filing and copy it.  Or... hire an attorney for $150 do file the forms for you and fight the case yourself!  That is the safest route. 

 

I once started a Pro Se filing but an attorney buddy of mine took it over since he thought I would harm my case.  I think Pro Se filings are best for Contempts of Court since they can't discharge their attorney fees upon you when/if you lose - at least that is my understanding.  If you are being killed by the courts why not file an endless series "appeals" that force the court to realize there is a problem.  You have nothing to lose - well possibly that is.

 

If I were in your situation and I felt 100% justified - that would be my route.

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Quote:
Pro Se filings are best for Contempt of Court since they can't discharge their attorney fees upon you when/if you lose

 

When someone has the ability to hire an attorney even for contempt proceedings, they are usually better off. 

 

Pro Se does have advantages such as you can cross the gray line and argue cases in a manner that attorneys will not. You also can testify by telling the court exactly how you feel and what transpired while on the stand (meaning you dictate what exhibits and information is brought forth).


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"Political reasons have not the requisite certainty to afford juridical interpretation. They are different in different men. They are different in the same men at different times. And when a strict interpretation of the Constitution, according to the fixed rules which govern the interpretation of laws, is abandoned, and the theoretical opinions of individuals are allowed to control its meaning, we have no longer a Constitution; we are under a government of individual men, who for the time being have the power to declare what the Constitution is, according to their own views of that it ought to mean." Dred Scott v.Sanford, 19 How. 393, 620 (1857) (Curtis, J., dissenting).
sillybeliever

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Thanks to all who replied.  I don't suppose, Ken, that your laywer buddy would want to help me prepare my case, if necessary????  (Please don't be offended by this question.)  Also, I'll call that number for legal assistance.  I know legal aide can't help me because he used them once to file contempt charges against me (they were dismissed) and as a result, it's a "conflict of interest", not to mention, since their funding is limited, they only represent the really serious cases (like domestic assault, murder, etc.).  I guess I can accept that.

My sons told me that the first thing the judge told each of them was that they understood he can't just change where they live because they want to live with me.  He has to look at all the evidence and make the decision based on everything.

By the way, are you all aware how misinformed the people in general are about Iowa law?  Everyone I've talked to about this case, mostly professionals like pastors, therapists, doctors, etc. believe there's a law that says that when a child reaches a certain age (14), they have the right to live with whatever parent they want to.  THERE IS NO SUCH LAW!  Kid's desires are only considered as the very last factor; usually if the judge is having a difficult time making a decision because both parents come out "equally".

Just so everyone also knows and understands, joint custody is not an option.  There is so much that has happened to my children while living at their dad's, that what I really pray for is that the judge lets them live with me an dhe gest supervised visits.  I don't want child support; don't need public assistance and we can manage on my pension just fine.

I will definitely let you know what happens so we can critique the judge.

By the way, is anyone here interested in becoming a lobbyist for NCP's rights, the child support fiasco and welfare reform in general? 

Kathryn
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My lawyer buddy is Ted Sporer of Sporer/Illic PC in DSM.  You can reach him at 515-244-5575.  He is expensive and very busy as the Republican Party Chair of Polk County so he will probably pass you off to one of his assistants.  You can expect any lawyer that is simply preparing the filings to charge around $250 (tops).  You must not let them enter an appearance so they understand you are arguing your own case.  Best to get one in the county/state you are filing your case in to avoid any mistakes.  You are also correct that older children do not automatically decide where they want to live and the courts agree.  They do tend to run away a lot, if that is their desire, and the courts eventually recognize the de facto living arrangement and subsequently alter child support.  If that is an option.

 

Good luck!

sillybeliever

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Ken, it's interesting you mention that older kids who are fed up often run away, and eventually, changes are made.  (At keast that's what I THINK you meant???)

When my daughter came to me the FIRST time begging me to get this changed (Fall 2002), I tried to explain to her that unless certain things occurred, the judge would be very unwilling to change the situation.  She asked me what kinds of things.  As I was told by an attorney, I told her.  Grades taking a dramatic dip, sexual molestation, kids changing behavior patterns (good kids turning to "bad..drugs, cigarettes, drinking, sex,  becoming "different" than their normal pattern of behavior), bedwetting, nightmares, depression, running away because things were so bad.  I also told her that judges look at verified reports of physical abuse as reported to DHS.

She actually DID run away during that period while we were waiting to go to court.  The first time because his wife tried to strangle her (had an Affidavit who saw the marks around her neck; DHS did NOTHING...hmm, imagine that, eh?) and the second time she took her brothers with her because his wife threatened all of them.

Now that that nightmare is over, she implies that I TOLD HER TO RUN AWAY!!!  She claims that I "encouraged" her to do this.  When I tried to explain how she had twisted my information to her, she just blows me off.

How do you fight with this kind of crap?  Well, after being totally "dissed" at her graduation today, I finally realized that you don't.  She's 18 now, living with her boyfriend, "enjoying" the life of an adult and it breaks my heart.  She will have SO MANY REGRETS, but....it's time for me to let her go.

But this is what I don't understand about kids who are in the position that mine are.  When I was sexually mistreated by my stepdad, I fought back.  By that, I mean I did everything I could to avoid him; I got involved with after school stuff, even though it meant I often had to walk the two miles home.  I got a job when I was 14 and by the time I was 16, I had two part-time jobs.  I wasn't nice to him.  I didn't cuddle up with him; I ignored him.  The only time I wasn't safe was when I went to bed.  But I left home at 16 and lived with a teacher and his family.  I guess it's weird now that that teacher didn't notify the authorities, but that was back in the 70's.  For 7 years I feared my bed.  But he knew how much I hated him.  My boys, on the other hand, still "suck up" to him and act as though nothing's happened.

My son who was molested told me that if I don't get custody, he thinks I should appeal, but only for my youngest son because "he's got another EIGHT YEARS to deal with Dad; me and Philip only have a little over three."  But I don't think he can last emotionally.  I tried to explain to him that I can't do that and besides, the Court's DEFINITELY don't approve of splitting kids up unless some very mitigating circumstances exist.  He's resigned himself to giving up.  It is driving me nuts with anxiety and hopelessness.

Anyway, are there any future symposiums, etc. coming up for support, information, etc?  One question:  In your opinion, do you think Republican judges tend to be less likely to change custody or is it Democratic ones, or is this something that really doesn't hinder on political affilation?

My gut tells me that Republicans, in general, are much firmer about the idea that children are "property" and, as such, parents have the "right" to be asses because they don't perceive the kinds of things that happen to my kids as "real" abuse.  Democrats, on the other hand, are seen by many as "bleeding hearts" because sometimes, by siding with the children, a parent does get falsely accused.  If the ex and I lived in Minnesota, I can GUARANTEE he would not have my kids and his brother-in-law WOULD BE DOING JAIL TIME!!!  Child abuse is such a joke here in Iowa.  It makes me sick.

Sorry, I think I'm suffering from latent post-traumatic stress syndrome.  The ex has worn me down and I'm just so damn tired of all his crap.  I'd just like to know what it's like to have six hours of straight sleep.  I have nightmares about this man and  his wife.

Sorry, I'm just so drained.  Thanks to all who read this.  I just hate this "limbo".

Hope everyone finds time to remember those who served, are serving and will serve to "protect" the rights of this country.  Keep safe and God Bless Us All!

Kathryn

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Reply with quote  #12 

Adult children will have a huge effect on any testimony.  Proven abuse substantiated by authorities will also carry weight.  Anything to the contrary will obscure or refute - which is not good for your case.

 

You asked about the Republicans vs. Democrats for our issues.  So far it has been a mixed bag but Republicans seem to be warmer to our cause.  Some Democrats help but they never take the lead just as some Republicans fight against us but not as active.  My breakdown is as follows:

 

Republicans are about 50% with - 10% against 40% in the middle.

 

Democrats are 25% with - 25% against - 50% in the middle.

 

Sorry about your 18 year old daughter living with her bf and I know you would not have supported that.

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Regarding the Democrats vs. Republicans...this year in the House, around 80% of the Republicans supported us and we had only two Democrats support us (Tom Schueller & Ed Fallon).  

 

 


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"Political reasons have not the requisite certainty to afford juridical interpretation. They are different in different men. They are different in the same men at different times. And when a strict interpretation of the Constitution, according to the fixed rules which govern the interpretation of laws, is abandoned, and the theoretical opinions of individuals are allowed to control its meaning, we have no longer a Constitution; we are under a government of individual men, who for the time being have the power to declare what the Constitution is, according to their own views of that it ought to mean." Dred Scott v.Sanford, 19 How. 393, 620 (1857) (Curtis, J., dissenting).
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The Democrats have not been our friends and the ones that stand up for us take a terrible beating. The Democratic leadership and radical left leaning Feminists certainly push to reject any notion of Joint Custody. Yet, Governor Vilsack signed our legendary bill that initiated true Joint Custody in Iowa.

We can NEVER get any bill thru without substantial Democratic help so we can't reject the Democrats out of hand. Republicans, on the other hand, are not eager to take this issue and our success has come by a few Republicans that have pushed our issues. If the leadership got behind this we could get 99% of Republicans but once anything becomes a party issue you almost guarantee the other party will reject it just as strongly. This last go around it appears the Republicans gave us strong support (80% - Dave Heaton what the heck happened to you?????) while the Democratic Leaders wanted this killed which explains why we only got 2 votes.

 

I can't bring myself to vote for a Democrat knowing just how contrary to us their party has been.  I can't support the Democrats knowing they believe in Single Custody with the other party (90% fathers) as a paycheck and not a parent.  Yet....we can't do anything without some visionary Democrats helping us.  I WILL DONATE to Democrats that really believe in this issue and we need to keep reaching out to this wayward party.

 

Dems & Reps have very little effect on cases at hand since no matter what we do in the law it takes decades to change the courts.  HF22 proves the point.  In the end, you have to win/lose cases with the prevailing laws of the land which means - once you lose custody - it stays LOST!  And you go broke trying to fix it so you are "Chasing the Wind" just like Solomn wrote years ago. 

 

Speaking of Solomn, I have to believe he would be amazed at our system of child division.  I think the parent that "loses" the child while the other one SELFISHLY "KEEPS" the child demonstrates which one actually loves the child more.  At least it demonstrates one that DOES NOT TRULY LOVE THE CHILD entirely because it is bad for a child to not have the other parent.  So the parent the practices "Parental Alienation" and messes with their own child including preventing access to the other parent is selfish.  What was the point Solomn was making about cutting the child in half?  The one that would do harm to a child must not be the LOVING parent.  MMMM??

sillybeliever

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Reply with quote  #15 
Ken, in the case of my daughter. she really didn't do much for either "side".  What I"m sort of concerned about is that when my attorney asked her why she asked me to include her in my petition last summer, she didn't really give a definitive answer.  Without openly accusing her of being fickle, he tried to get her to admit her motive for appearing for her father when she begged me to get her out of his home.  When my attorney brought up the founded abuse charge against her dad last September, she didn't deny that he was charged with abuse, but sort of "diminished" the incident by stating that it happened because she refused to obey him .  The ex used the DHS report as part of his evidence and I'm hoping the judge actually READS this because her story was VERY different when the event happened.  Just consider this...the incident happened on a Sunday afternoon.  The bruise was still very evident on the following Wednesday.  She ran away from her his house that Wednesday.  Maybe I'm a total idoit here, but I don't understand how a judge can even consider leaving my kids with a man who has a history of leaving marks on his children, doesn't believe a child who says he was molested by his "uncle", even if I am behind in my child support.  That's really the worst thing I've done.  In 2004, I had two incidents where I was put on the registry due to incidents with my daughter.  The first one, January, I wound up with a dislocated shoulder from HER and the second one, I got BITE MARKS AND CUTS ON MY NECK and the charges were dropped on both counts.  I've never been investigated for anything regarding my boys since 1998, and DHS recommended that I get some help helping my kids deal with the anger they were bringing to my home from their dad's.

Of course, I'm expecting the worst and I guess it's just that I think it's better for me to expect the worst and be happily surprised then to believe the court will hear the truth.  I think this is going to be the longest four weeks I've had to wait for.

When I spoke to the law library (they've been very helpful), the clerk thought it would be highly IMPOSSIBLE for the kids to stay with him with this sexual molestation matter.  But something tells me this fact isn't going to help my children.

As for Solomon, if my ex wanted my chldren so badly, I would let him have them and just walk away and pay my support.  On the other hand, I've made it very clear that I decline child support if he'd let them live with me.  And a person CAN do that.  A friend of mine told her ex that she wouldn't ask for child support, so long as he agreed to let her move out of state and the only way he could have visitation with him was by phone, or if the kids came to Iowa and stayed with his parents and he'd have to pay for plane fare.  (Of course, she had strong reasons for this...he was a crack addict and beat the crap out of her.)  He agreed to it and her kids actually are fine.  They know dad has a problem and he is still trying to get clean.  She told me he's never going to try to get more than what he has, because it's working for all of them.

I'm really afraid that this judge will decide to give me supervised visits only.  I'll never understand how a judge can do that because they "perceive I tried to manipulate my children to speak badly about their dad."

I'm hoping my kids' testimony matters, since they all were consistent and they hadn't had time to "compare notes" with me or each other.  During my last visit with them, it was interesting to note that they each did talk to me about the judge and they each added something that was "individual".

Again, thanks so much for the support.  By the way, is there any kind of NCP support group that meets in the Hardin County area?  With gas prices so high, the one in Waterloo is out of my league financially.

Kathryn
Chad

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Reply with quote  #16 

There are two sides to every story. I have heard many false abuse cases and heve even found marks on my daughter where  she said "Mommy pinched me". I find it very hard to belive in this system that a judge would leave a child with a good father much less one who abuses his children. If the abuse is true and you have a clean record then you should have nothing to worry about you will get your children back, just remember if the abuse is not happening and you get what you want then you are guilty of what all of our exes are doing. Children Do need both parents to get along. I hate my ex with a pashon, but I will not let my child see that hate and I try very hard to get along wich is very hard when I have to involve a lawyer to even get her to communicate with me.

 

Keep documentation of the abuse, pictures and everything. if somthing serious happens to your children go to every media outlit you can. with the recen rash of dead children due to DHS neglect we should be able to shut them down.


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sillybeliever

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Chad, thanks for your input.  As I said, there is ONE abuse reported on the registry.  It happened January, 2005.  My daughter had no marks, I got a dislocated shoulder.  However, she was angry with me and reported it and DHS said I "could have prevented the incident by merely "knowing when to choose my battles and when to let them go."  My ex, on the other hand, has had several investigations and been confirmed twice since 2001!  He was able to appeal the first one and, through technicalities, got it overturned.  But my youngest son still remembers his cut and swollen lip and NEVER feels completely safe when his dad is angry.

I fully understand how children can be manipulated.  However, I think in my case, there should be a great deal of credibility because all three of my kids are reporting the same thing (except my middle one, who was sexually molested).  As a victim of this myself, the LAST THING I'd ever do is tell any of my children to make up this kind of story.  What hurts him the most now is not the memory of what happend, but the fact that his dad doesn't believe him and tries to make him feel guilty for saying these "vicious lies your mother poisons you with."

I just hope the judge makes the right decision.
 

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Reply with quote  #18 
Chad, one more thought.  We did have photos and documentation about my ex.  As I said, he got the decision overturned through mumbo jumbo beaurocratic rot.  My kids are still there.

And this is what's so weird about my ex.  I DON'T hate him.  When we got divorced and the judge made his ruling, I honestly TRUSTED him to work with me for the sake of our kids.  As soon as he found his now wife, everything changed.  I'll never say it's all her fault because he has a responsibility to require her to treat my children right and by him allowing her to behave as she does PLUS his crap is just wrong.

I'm not out to get him or make him pay or any of that stuff.  Just want him to work as hard as I am at trying to be parents to our children.  Sometimes I almost feel sorry for him.  He's overeducated, has a wife now who makes more money than he does, hates me because I don't have to work for a living due to my VA pension and he's losing control of our children .  Add that he has to kiss his wife's butt and he's in a place I wouldn't wish on anyone.  But he has my kids and they don't deserve to have a dad like this.  All they see is the hatred and bitterness from him.  He can't say one good thing about me.  I have no problem telling my kids about the good things I remember about our marriage.  It really hurts me to see them being hurt by all this.  Sometimes I try to just ignore it.  I just don't see how he can be so damn smart and yet so dense.  I guess it's like they say "you can't see the forest for the trees."  If it weren't for my youngest (10) sometimes I think I'll just walk away from it all.  Pay my damn support and keep my distance.  And just wait until they're adults and they've had time to figure it all out.  Now that my daughter is 18 and an "adult" that's the position I'm taking with her.  The waiting will be hard, but I've been in line waiting for her since this divorce, I can wait some more.  Some day she'll put it all together and I'll be there for her.  I just hate that we are put in this position becuase of the laws and their interpretations.

Kathryn

riyamisra

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Posts: 50
Reply with quote  #19 
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