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sherri05

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Reply with quote  #1 
I am a new member, I am a mom of 5 kids, my three older children are adults and I am still paying on an arrearage to their unemployed father that at one time was as high as $38,000.00.  My other two children I raise solely with my fiance and we receive no child support for them.  Currently we have child support going out each month for my adult three children, and my fiance's two teenage children who live with their mother.

A few days ago my fiance was told he will be relocated from Iowa City, IA to Lincoln NE by his employer. He spoke to his ex-wife about working together so that he might still continue seeing his children every other weekend.  Currently we have them one night each week and every other weekend.  Her new primary concern is how much this is going to cost her now.  Not the emotional stability or instability this will create and how to best help the children.

My fiance is a great dad.  He takes the kids to their doctor appointments, to their orthodontic appointments (all outside of his regular scheduled appointments).  He drives round trip from our home to hers approximately 5 times each weekend when the kids are with us so they can participate in all of their activities and when they want to spend the night with their friends. (That's a 62 mile round trip as it is now).  He calls them every night.  Takes them to CUBS games, and Bears games outside of his scheduled visitation times as well.  He pays half of all the sports camps his children are involved in over the summer too.

So long story short, she refuses to meet him on Merle Hay Blvd in Des Moines so that he can pick up the children and she wants $400.00 extra a month in child support.  She has remarried, built a 5 bedroom home, has two new car payments, because she and her new husband face new financial crunches based upon their decisions to live exorbitantly I believe they are wanting to get money from the only source they can come up with without having to do any of the extra work to earn it.

What do we do?  My fiance says he can pay her $20 extra per child per pay period but that's it.  Due to her refusal to meet halfway, we will need to purchase a new fuel-efficient vehicle, drive 5 hours to see his kids and pay for two nights every other weekend at a hotel plus eat the cost of the high gas prices.

Does anyone have any ideas, because he is already heartbroken at not being able to see his kids as much as he would like, he is also concerned that she gets the children so involved with their activities and their friends that even if he does come for the weekends they'll be busy running around and wasting more gas.

I say don't give her any extra money, if she wants more let her hire an attorney.  She may get more child support based on cost of living, but the judge will also see that he lives more than 150 miles away from children and may order her to meet him halfway.  But I'm just the fiance.

Thanks for any helpful advise.


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Sherri
Chad

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Reply with quote  #2 

First you may have to file a motion to change visitation. Both of you will have to pay half of the travel expenses. This can be done by meating half way. one driving at the begining of visitation the other at the end, or one paying the other half of the travel expenses. She is not entitaled to more child support unless your income has gone up. Just remember if you file for a modification they will review the child support though.


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What's wrong with socialism in one sentence:
When you implement “from each according to his ability, to each according to his need,” magically, everyone starts having quite a lot of need and very little ability.
awiblish

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Reply with quote  #3 

The courts website has child support calculation forms available for download.  You can estimate what your child support payments should be.


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Reply with quote  #4 
Go to our beta website;  http://www.iowafathers.com/beta/ 
Click on Child Support and in the drop down menu choose  Child Support Estimator.

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"Political reasons have not the requisite certainty to afford juridical interpretation. They are different in different men. They are different in the same men at different times. And when a strict interpretation of the Constitution, according to the fixed rules which govern the interpretation of laws, is abandoned, and the theoretical opinions of individuals are allowed to control its meaning, we have no longer a Constitution; we are under a government of individual men, who for the time being have the power to declare what the Constitution is, according to their own views of that it ought to mean." Dred Scott v.Sanford, 19 How. 393, 620 (1857) (Curtis, J., dissenting).
ironeagle

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Reply with quote  #5 

Quite frankly I suggest that you not move out of state this will only create more problems. It will not only increase expenses, and frustration but will decrease parenting time and cause more trouble than it's worth. I do not believe moving to seperate states is good for the children.


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sherri05

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Reply with quote  #6 
Unfortunately the position of the government says he must move to this position as there is no available Hospital Administrative position in Iowa City available.  Should he not take this position or one similar by Sept 31, they will move us to a position of their choosing...it could literally be so much further than Lincoln NE, (i.e. Anchorage Alaska or Washington DC).  There is no option, as he has been employed by the federal government for over 20 years and is looking at retirement in the next 10 years leaving his position is not an option.  



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Sherri
bunches

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Reply with quote  #7 

It is easy for people to sit back and judge on moving closer to your kids.  For many that is not an option.  My exwife moved 70 miles away supposedly for a better position.  I am remarried and my wife is a teacher.  We own a home in a small town where not much real estate moves.  It is not realistic for us to quit our jobs, sell our home, and move.  I am now down to seeing my children every other weekend with no visits during the week.  My exwife does meet me half way but not for during the week visits.  I am seeking changing visitaion to every weekend.  Like it or not they won't attend extra curricular activities on the weekends I have them.  It isn't realistic for me to spend my parenting time in a car.  I hope the court system allows for this visitation.  Of course the risk I took taking her back to court is costing me money as once you open up your decree for modification everything is open.  Hopefully at least part of it will be in my favor.  I feel for your situation.

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Reply with quote  #8 

Relocation can be a difficult situation for ncp's.  In the old days, the custodial parent seldom were allowed to relocate with the children. One thing is consistent, research shows that relocation of children away from the ncp is not in their best interest!


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IowaFathers
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"Political reasons have not the requisite certainty to afford juridical interpretation. They are different in different men. They are different in the same men at different times. And when a strict interpretation of the Constitution, according to the fixed rules which govern the interpretation of laws, is abandoned, and the theoretical opinions of individuals are allowed to control its meaning, we have no longer a Constitution; we are under a government of individual men, who for the time being have the power to declare what the Constitution is, according to their own views of that it ought to mean." Dred Scott v.Sanford, 19 How. 393, 620 (1857) (Curtis, J., dissenting).
bunches

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Reply with quote  #9 

I agree as I see it on my son's face every time I have to take him home.  It is an unfair situation that cp's put the children in.  Putting your children first before all else should be the number 1 priority.  My stepchildren have an ncp who chose to relocate to another state.  They see him once a year maybe, he seldom calls, and they are getting to where they resent him for it.  It was his choice, but it still hurts them.

ironeagle

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Reply with quote  #10 

I'm sorry but there is always a choice. Choose to move away or choose to remain close.


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bunches

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Reply with quote  #11 
It doesn't sound to me as if the person seeking advice has a lot of choice in the matter.
jessr1973

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Reply with quote  #12 

I would have to agree with Bunches.  Not to sound mean or degrading, but you are the girlfriend of these kid's father. If you stop and think about it, everyone is wanting more money due to gas and everything else going up in price. No one on here wants to be further from their children. The best advise is that your boyfriend talk to her alone and see what they can come up with. If they can't, then if he decides to, go get an attorney and get the paper work going. Really it is his up to him and his children's mother to try to work something out and if they can't then I guess the courts will have to look at the matter.

awiblish

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Reply with quote  #13 

You know Im in a job where I am gone all the time.  I sense married someone else (much better) and have a child with her.   I am in the Army and this was somewhat a problem with visitation and a uncooperative ex.  What I did was came up with a reasonable but fair visitation schedule on my own, sent it to the court for consideration after trial the judge gave me almost each and everything I asked for, most of the court order was perbetum what I had written.  I even got the court to award my wife visitation of my daughter while I am deployed - which I couldnt believe.  But my point is comming up with a new plan is possable, just be the reasonable and rational one.  Of course a lot depends on the judge, but the court isnt always out to get you.  Sometimes it can do what its supposed to and help!


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