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"Political reasons have not the requisite certainty to afford juridical interpretation. They are different in different men. They are different in the same men at different times. And when a strict interpretation of the Constitution, according to the fixed rules which govern the interpretation of laws, is abandoned, and the theoretical opinions of individuals are allowed to control its meaning, we have no longer a Constitution; we are under a government of individual men, who for the time being have the power to declare what the Constitution is, according to their own views of that it ought to mean." Dred Scott v.Sanford, 19 How. 393, 620 (1857) (Curtis, J., dissenting).
javiwood

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That is excellent!!!

JudyChat

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I think that needs to be put on TV.

Harry

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Man, I would LOVE to see that played on television!


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Reply with quote  #5 

I would pitch in for a TV spot for this add.


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When you implement “from each according to his ability, to each according to his need,” magically, everyone starts having quite a lot of need and very little ability.
sandlrz

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Bryan & all -- I just joined a few minutes ago and watched this video spot. Tears came immediately...okay, you caught me -- I admit I'm a mom! But I am for RIGHTS, I am for KIDS, and in our system its primarily the FATHERS and the KIDS who's rights are violated by our custody and support system.

But---I never truly understood this horrible hell that Dads go through ---until it became my own horrible hell--I received a garnishment from Marion County for a child support order of which I was completely unaware existed, should have never happened, and was done by my ex-husband.

And now my life is in complete turmoil. I lost my job "for no cause - at will" with a mutual fund management company the day after an Iowa garnishment was received for me.

It's 8 months later and it's so out of control I'm not sure which way is up. I look normal, but my insides are caving in from the weight of the files of documents I carry around, from being crushed by the repercussions from losing my job, from getting up every day with a new attitude, ready to embrace life and be a positive influence--and getting about 2 feet before being hit with a frenzy of letters, forms, threats, and orders from CSRU, and feeling guilty about spending too much time at my new job trying to write and call Iowa to get answers/action during business hours. I can't sleep at night because I'm so afraid all the time of I'm going to jail any minute, since they let me know they have that option. I'm so ashamed -- even though I shouldn't be. And I feel so grieved for the impact upon our newlywed lives.

I'm terrified...how did this happen? It's a freaky, bizarre circus of events. We're now completely out of money, with no hopes of affording an attorney, I live out of state, couldn't afford to come to Iowa and fight if even that would work. We're sinking faster every day--and we're the good guys!! (Well, I'm a girl...)

It's 2:00am here and I've read every thread regarding child support, judicial, class action, new members, and miscellaneous. I'm filled in part with great hope that there's a group in Iowa that understands and is joining together in fighting for change and exposing the truth. The other part of me is fading in total nausea after reading about all of the frightening, frustrating, damaging, stuff being done BY THE BODIES OF AUTHORITY who are now lining up their sights on me. 

So sorry for sounding like such a whiner, normally I'm a lion! I love the law and fighting against Goliaths for the Davids! But this battle is doing damage to my faith in the judicial system, being in this case, the CSRU arm--which I now know from experience to be a dangerous combination of corrupt power, fueled by personal baggage, motivated by greed, disguised by chaotic work flow, and gleefully leveraging their lucky charms: inept county clerks.

I'm not ready to give up--not on my own situation and not on those of the IowaFathers.com members. I want to help. Please tell me how I can help! And I need to fight for my issue, too --but I'm out of ideas and I'm lost, I don't know how to proceed.

If I haven't annoyed you by this late-night venting, I would like to share my story with your group (I'll shoot for getting it written by Monday) and I would be so grateful for feedback.  It won't be long before the flying monkeys at CSRU get the coordinates to my apartment 1,700 miles away from Des Moines...


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KenRichards

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Reply with quote  #7 
It always hurts to find anyone in your situation as many of us have endured it to varying degrees.  My own drama is not that bad when I consider what others have endured and your story is in that category already.

I encourage you to actively participate and despite the anti-male bias of the system it can certainly slam women just to add a little legitimacy to the claim it is ok.  The point is, once you get nailed by this system there is no real coming back.  You are toast!  Guys who manipulate the system can do all the things girls have been doing for years - as you have discovered. 

The only remedy is Joint Parenting as it removes the financial incentives and gives children both parents.  It requires both parents to live in the same locality and I believe many parents would move to be involved.
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Reply with quote  #8 
Welcome to IowaFathers.com. As our slogan states, we are a non-custodial parental support group! 

I apologize for the delay in responding.  I've been at a business convention in Tulsa, Oklahoma, since Thursday and I just got back home about an hour ago.  I'm mentally drained at the moment and I see alot of activity has happened this weekend.

Your troubles are shared by many and we do understand what you are going through.  I encourage you to actively participate by using this message board and by emailing Iowa legislators as events unfold. Every person on this website gets overwhelmed at times so please feel free to express yourself as we help each other and as our local meeting groups can attest too, we have become one big family! 

Helping others and working to change the broken system has become a "Self Healing Medicine" to many of us. 

P.S. I'll get caught up soon everyone

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IowaFathers
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"Political reasons have not the requisite certainty to afford juridical interpretation. They are different in different men. They are different in the same men at different times. And when a strict interpretation of the Constitution, according to the fixed rules which govern the interpretation of laws, is abandoned, and the theoretical opinions of individuals are allowed to control its meaning, we have no longer a Constitution; we are under a government of individual men, who for the time being have the power to declare what the Constitution is, according to their own views of that it ought to mean." Dred Scott v.Sanford, 19 How. 393, 620 (1857) (Curtis, J., dissenting).
Hawkeye

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Reply with quote  #9 
Yes, CSRU is totally out of control. (Not to even mention the courts) 
 
No thanks to the 666 statute...
 
Women who call men "whiners" are nothing more than "slackers".
 
Yep. Welfare Mamas... we all know who they are. Photo'd some today.

And the men who call the women nasty words, well, they can go to H in my book.

OK, there's my rant for tonight, lets get to work to allow children free contact with both parents after divorce.

How ya gonna teach them "fair and balanced?" When you are not?

Hawkeye








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Hawkeye

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Reply with quote  #10 
Then just be there for them, if it means renting a dumpster across the street, then you can be a Sesame character. If it means circling the wagons, then so be it. Our children are the future and are we going to leave them a corrupt, ignorant suppsosed system of laws or are we going to change it?

You decide.



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http://www.hughesforgov.com

"All great questions must be raised by great voices, and the greatest voice is the voice of the people - speaking out - in prose, or painting or poetry or music; speaking out - in homes and halls, streets and farms, courts and cafes - let that voice speak and the stillness you hear will be the gratitude of mankind." - Robert Kennedy Jan 22, 1963
joeiadd37

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Reply with quote  #11 
HI TO EVERYONE:

My great ordeal is soon coming to a close with the CSRU and the States of Kansas & Iowa. I suffered thru years of an interstate C/S order. I am a disabled veteran and could not get a reduction from the other State inspite of the fact of my greatly reduced income due to disability.

In my case,officials from Iowa & Kansas became so brazen that they would swear falsely under oath and then notarize the document. I now have the State and the EX in a death grip where they have defaulted legally in a Court proceeding here in Iowa.

M
joeiadd37

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Reply with quote  #12 
I have already prevailed with the various departments of the Federal government and now after this current default will file for redress concerning the unlawful conduct under the color of law by the officials I dealt with lo these many years. I have waited a long time to bring these folks to justice.

My entire matter involved C/S money,there was no other issues,I wish you all the best in this great struggle. We do not fight flesh and blood,but powers and principalities
Andrewsmom02

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Reply with quote  #13 
Hi! I'm a new member. I'm a single never married mom, with physical custody of my son. My son's father is in the military (I am also prior Air Force) we had a support agreement drawn up when we were both living in Ohio and I had it switched to Iowa when I got out of the Air Force and moved back to Iowa. My son's father is currently living in Hawaii.

The original support agreement says that I have to provide all medical and dental insurance for my son and he pays me child support each month. There was no visitation agreement set up. But he has always had full access to his son and no matter what he's done or said, I've never denied him rights to see his son. We had a verbal agreement that when I left the military, he would add him as his dependent so that our son would still have medical insurance.

Well, I moved back to Iowa and his father didn't comply with our verbal agreement. I have been trying to reach him for over a year now to do something but I haven't even gotten a return email from him. I was able to add our son to HAWK-I when we moved here, but just recently found out I am over income by $400. For me to add him to my insurance at work, it will cost me $400 every paycheck...that's $800 per month in premiums.

Insurance through the military is FREE. The only thing that would come out of pocket is $30 per month for dental insurance, which I offered to pay him back for.

What can I do? My son is legally blind, has had numerous surgeries since birth for his eyes and there is no way I can afford to pay that expense out of pocket. I put in a petition to amend the order, but because it was originally established in Ohio, the State of Iowa wants to send the paperwork to Hawaii since that is where he is living.

A little background about my son and the relationship he has with his father....non-existant. His father has only seen him 6 times (this was at my urging) and the last time was when he was 6 months old. He will be 5 in 3 weeks. His father's family doesn't even know that he exists (atleast to my knowledge) I have no way of contacting them, I don't know their names (he was a very private person and we didn't date long enough for him to fill me in on that part of his life).

We have always had a pretty decent relationship, unless he's dating someone. I make sure he has updated pictures and I give him progress reports on the surgeries and such. But he just doesn't give a damn.

I just want my son to have health insurance and I would like somewhat of an increase in support since he makes twice as much as I do, I pay 3 times as much in daycare then I did before. I am barely making ends meet.

Any help would be appreciated, any advice from anyone who's had to deal with this sort of situation before.

Thanks
Jennifer

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Jennifer
ironeagle

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Reply with quote  #14 

If your son is legally blind then he should qualify for social security or social security disability I would think have you tried signing him up for his benefits? Also this kind of excessive amount of premiums is the main reson that I oppose medical support orders which order aither parent to pay for medical insurance. The governemnt and the courts do not have the authority under the constitution to force American citizens to purchase products or services. Medical insurance although very important for Americans is still a product and has a cost and many times that cost is too high for one person or even an entire family. You may also want to look up IOwa Law concerning medical support orders there may be a clause that allows you relief if the policies cost is unreasonable, but I'm not sure there is such a clause, but it wouldn't hurt to look. Follow the link http://www.legis.state.ia.us/IowaLaw.html. This takes you to the Iowa General Assembly's site, if you click on "IOwa Code Advanced Search" you can search different Iowa laws.


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awiblish

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Reply with quote  #15 
Ok I think I can give you a few pointers.  I am also in the military.  For starters I would try contacting his commander for 1SG there is a good chance they will force him to take care of it, secondly I would make a trip over to Offut Airforce Base in Bellevue, Nebraska and go see JAG there is a good chance they can help you get your support fixed as well.

Lastly if those two methods fail, beings that you are now a resident of Iowa and assuming you and the child have lived there for more than 6 months.  You can file for a modification in your county court.  The Child Support Enforcement and Jurisdiction Act says that the court where the child lives has jurisdiction.  So it would be the state of Iowas responcability to hear a modification suit. Child support would be recalculated based upon the child support guidelines for the state of Iowa.  Iowa does have laws that require medical support.  Why he refuses to add the child to deers is beyond me, because just like you said its free for him to do, it just requires paperwork.  Although since you were not married and your order does not require him to pay medical benefits DEERS may not be able to add him.

Also try googling Military OneSource and give them a call, they may also be able to give you some information.  Hope that helps.



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Andrewsmom02

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Reply with quote  #16 
What kills me is that I did put in for a modification of support and they wanted to send it to Hawaii since he wasn't in the state, what kind of crap is that? I'm waiting to file again after I move to my new place so I don't lose any paperwork.

Jennifer

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awiblish

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Reply with quote  #17 
Im not sure why or what they wanted to send to Hawaii, unless you havnt been here long enough to be considered a resident.  You will still have to send him proper notice in Hawaii.  But unless theres something you havnt mentioned it should be Iowas case.



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sandymom

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Reply with quote  #18 
Hi.  We need help very very quickly!   I hope it is OK for me to join this  forum.  I am the mom of an adult son in Fairfield who will be filing for divorce soon.  He doesn't know how to go about it, if he needs an attorney, and if he does, he certainly can't afford one!   I live 1000 miles away, so it is hard for me to know how to help... or what to do.  Right now, my son is so overwhelmed, he does not know where to start...He just trying to make it through each day...and most importantly to be there for his kids.   He and his wife have four children,  from the age of 4-8....most critical to him about this situation to him  and to me. 
 Right now, he and his wife are living apart.  They had enjoyed renting a lovely farm for about 5  years, but the whole nightmare of the past several months has resulted in them losing the rental as result of (rumors!) and late payment of rent.    Also, up until March of this year my son  was going to school to get a license in nursing, so things have been very very tight financially.  I love my daughter in law, and I am very, very concerned about her life and the decisions she is making, especially the decisions that are effecting  the children, my grandchildren.   She and my son separated in July for many reasons. (on both sides)  My daughter in law has  a serious problem with alcohol. Originally she had moved in with her mom, but soon after, she moved in with another man who is considered by my son and most of his wife's family and friends to be physically and emotionally abusive. &nbs p;My son almost always has the kids with him (in a very very small apartment) His wife just wants to spend time with the boyfriend, and her mom (grandma) really does no like to have the kids around, as they bother her with noise! So, she cannot or will not help with the kids For me, I would do anything to be there and  have the kids around...they need to be loved and nurtured right now...they don't understand why they don't have an home where they can run and play  any more and the oldest child  is really taking this all very hard. My son is just starting a new job, trying to make ends meet, and even though he has the kids with him most of the time, his wife insists that he pay most of his paycheck to her for"child support"  He doens't know what else to do, and he is terrified that he will owe back support..even though no one has filed for divorce yet, he just gives  his wife  the $ that she calls "child support" ...and he keeps keeps the kids at his place.  He does not feel that the kids are safe at his wife's  boyfriends house. HELP!  He needs advice and support now...What on earth should he do, where does he turn and is there a good attorney who can help him with father's rights in the area of Fairfield? 

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Sandy
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Reply with quote  #19 
Welcome to IowaFathers.com.  Can he make either a Des Moines monthly meeting or Cedar Falls weekly meeting?  He has many options but without a support network, it can be overwhelming at first.

Ottumwa is probably to closest city with referrals listed (see below).

Paul Zingg
104 S. Court St.
Ottumwa, IA  52501
(641) 683-1626 
 
 
Al Orsborn
110 East Third
P.O. Box 878
Ottumwa, IA  52501
(641) 682-5447

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IowaFathers
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"Political reasons have not the requisite certainty to afford juridical interpretation. They are different in different men. They are different in the same men at different times. And when a strict interpretation of the Constitution, according to the fixed rules which govern the interpretation of laws, is abandoned, and the theoretical opinions of individuals are allowed to control its meaning, we have no longer a Constitution; we are under a government of individual men, who for the time being have the power to declare what the Constitution is, according to their own views of that it ought to mean." Dred Scott v.Sanford, 19 How. 393, 620 (1857) (Curtis, J., dissenting).
sandymom

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Reply with quote  #20 

Thank you so much for your quick repsonse.  I would be very surprised if he could make a support meeting unless it was closer to where he lives.  His schedule at work is unchartered as of now since his has just started. I will certainly let him know about the meetings just in case.  Thanks, also for the names of attorneys.


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Sandy
rockbottom

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Reply with quote  #21 

hello everyone.i am new here,i met Bryan through his fathers business.they are good people I'm glad to know them.i have been divorced for 11 years,i have two boys age 12 and 14.i sure love them but i don't hardly ever get to see them anymore.i was a good father as a matter of fact their mother sent my name in for father of the year with the Oprah show.about one year latter we were going through divorce.i was staying at home with our children and she was out partying.i worked 10 hours a day and she worked two days a week.i was making around 13 dollars an hour then.the judge set my support at 165 a week.it has remained that amount until last week.i just got a letter from CSR saying they are raising the amount to 195 a week.i just got remarried 1 year and four months ago to my soul mate.just wish i would have found her a long time ago but cant change that.i build motorcycles,it is one of the only things that i truly love to spend hours doing for a living.in November the business i worked for closed the doors.the shop had been open for years.i now only get 135 dollars a week from unemployment and they want to take more?i feel sorry for my new wife.what she must think,what kind of loser has she found and now must support.i know there are others out there that are also going through hard times i just wish our government would help the common man and not waste all this time and money on big business.thank you all for taking time to read about my problems

Chad

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Reply with quote  #22 

Rock bottom, start your own buisness repairing motorcycles, put it in your wifes name. have her pay you about 500 a month, do that for a while then turn in your paystubs to CSRU do not give them any of the buisness info as it is not yours and non of their buisness. give your ex a little over 100 a month.


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What's wrong with socialism in one sentence:
When you implement “from each according to his ability, to each according to his need,” magically, everyone starts having quite a lot of need and very little ability.
rockbottom

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Reply with quote  #23 

chad.thanks for your reply.the last bike i built was picked top thirty in the U.S by easy rider magazine.i have had many in magazines.i would love to open my own place or just do it out of my garage but this kind of work is very expensive.as a matter of fact i have one sitting on my bench right now.it will take another four thousand just to finish this one.then in this economy you have to hope you can sell some day to make some kind of profit.also i don't just build Harley stuff i also do full restorations on vintage jap bikes.these people that run csr are tuff to deal with.i broke my neck two and a half years ago.i was off work for ten months these people sent me letters saying i was going to go to jail if i did not pay up.my atty,my doctor,my employer,my x-wife all had to send letters saying i could not in any way return to work for a very long time,then i fell behind on child support and this is why they are saying they want more because i am behind.I'm not working and am getting very little from unemployment.my x-wife makes over 20 bucks an hour.she loves seeing me suffer.there have been many times i could not take my kids for the weekend for i could not afford to even feed them.someday things will be better it is just nice to have a place to vent with others that have troubles with the same situation.

Chad

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Reply with quote  #24 
I do hear you, I have a new family that pretty much relies on my income a set of twin girls, my wife works part time and brings in a little but my paycheck is the main sorce of income. After CSRU is done with there isn't enought to give my twins what they deserve but do you thing CSRU cares?
I posted an article I will send to the Waterloo currior and Des Moines Register. I Encorage all to send in your stories as well. Brian is doing a great job but we need more solidarity, We should start acting like a union and co-op. We need to do a lot of research not just on the law, but on companeys that support the current system and those that don't then organize boycotts against those that are against us and support for those that are for us. We need to organize work stoppages to show the impact we can have on the economy. If we all ban together as one we can shake this state and nation and end this system.

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What's wrong with socialism in one sentence:
When you implement “from each according to his ability, to each according to his need,” magically, everyone starts having quite a lot of need and very little ability.
rockbottom

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Reply with quote  #25 

yes i agree 100%.this system is corrupt.like how much of our money that should be going to our children or back in our pocket does this child support recovery get every week?i guess when you stop and think about it there is alot we don't know about this system.yes i will lie to stand against this system and at least help to make it fair.let me know how i can help.

iowabuckeyes

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Reply with quote  #26 

hello all. i am new to this site and am glad i found it, hopefully i can find the help ive been looking for. me and my daugthers mother have recently broken up due to her needing "space"...she moved out and in with her parents. i dont want to sound cliche or womanizing but she is crazy. she is stubborn, mean, and cold hearted. she uses my daughter agaisnt me in any argument. and it is impossible to avoid aruments with her, if you ignore shell text you threats and all this hateful stuff. my understanding of her wanting to be done and her space is she would rather go out. i know were young and we still have our whole lives ahead..but i look at it as we made a decision to have a child. you have to put that kind of stuff on hold...her mother is one who cannot handle her alcohol. she drinks and cannot stop and turns into another person...she has hit me several times(like a man punch in the face) she says the meanest things...even worse when shes drunk. but yet she is the biggest manipulative person i know and somehow gets everyone to think shes some great parent when all she really cares about is herself not the best interest of the child, i really dont think she cares to have our daughter jus the fact and thought she is putting me through hell she gets off on...i guess i dont know what im asking im just lost,stressed,depressed..thanks for any input..

dcorcoran

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Reply with quote  #27 
Hello, my comrades.  I have just found this site today and am afraid I will probably be spending a significant amount of time here.  I was with a woman for the past 6yrs and we now have a 5yr old daughter.  We had been together on and off, (mostly on), for the duration, and the whole time it was a living hell, but I was willing to suffer for my daughter.  My daughter's mother is quite literally a 13 yr old in a 32yr old body.  She has been completely freeloading off of me for the last 4yrs, not contributing financially or even taking care of home responsibilities.  I work long hours during the busy times and would come home to my daughter in her room watching Disney movies that she'd seen a hundred times, her drunk Mom sitting on the couch watching TV, dishes piled up in the kitchen sink, and all the laundry since the last time I had a chance to do it.  Audrey was always so glad to hear me come home.  She would just about knock me down as she would come running to welcome me.  About 4 months ago we were moving into a new place about 15miles from where we were, and I new something had to change.  I admit that I love Audrey's mother and wanted desperately to keep the family together, but I had been allowing her to fall into a depression and simply freeload for too long.  She had a job where she worked about 3-4days a week, but all of her earnings were spent on beer and cigarettes and partying.  When we were starting to move, I told her that her freeloading needed to stop and that she needed to stop drinking and start contributing to the family somehow. If she was not willing to do this for all of us, she needed to find somewhere else to live.  I told her that I am not breaking up with her necessarily, but I can't allow her to stay here and behave the way she was behaving any more, because if I did, I was basically showing my daughter that I felt it was OK for her to be that way, which I did not feel was right.  She agreed that she had been bad and promised that things would change.  I was hopeful.  3 days later she was gone with my daughter to Texas to move in with her parents. That was in June.  We just finished the temporary custody trial last week and I thought I won hands down no question.  We were allowed 3 affidavits and 15mins to present our case.  Her affidavits were from her parents, her sister, and her Aunt, all of whom lived out of state and over the last 4yrs never saw her parenting other than a few hours at a time during family reunions, and my affidavits were from her boss, her best friend, and our daycare provider, all of which stated clearly that Missy has a drinking problem, that she is too imature to even care for herself without adult supervision, and that I am the obvious moral and responsible parental figure in our family.  The courts granted the mother temporary custody anyway, and allowed her to keep my daughter down in Texas until the trial with the understanding that she will stay with her parents.  The trial has been set for June 8th which will mean Audrey will be gone from me for a whole year before trial starts.  I haven't received the actual judgment yet to know what the rest of the details are but I have definitely lost my faith in the judicial system if they can reward a deadbeat mother who ripped her daughter away from her father with no warning.  I don't want to give up, but I can't afford this if it's all for nothing, and it appears that it is.  I was overwhelmingly the parent who should have custody but it didn't matter.  I'm asking this forum to give me some encouraging stories to keep me from losing all hope.  My daughter needs me.  Do I have a chance?


gridironcoach

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Reply with quote  #28 
I'm new to this forum.  My wife admitted to domestic abuse under oath and the judge was going to order me out of the house (I withdrew my application).  In our hearing on temporary matters my wife was given custody because I am a coach.  I even testified that I have given up my coaching duties to be with my kids but the judge didn't care. 

I was harassed by my wife's boyfriend (he was charged with harassment, interference of official acts and drug para) but here I sit with no kids.  I'm free all summer (I'm a teacher) and can only VISIT my kids on Wed night and every other weekend.

I'm incredibly frustrated!!!!!!!!!!!

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dadmissingout

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Reply with quote  #29 

confused

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Reply with quote  #30 
Hi everyone , I am new to this site but am not new to the unjust system that has made this sight and am here asking for help also as I am having a hard time dealing with my sons estranged mother she has recently moved to Oklahoma and has taken my son with her the court has awarded her primary physical care and me with a large bill the visitaton the court has ordered is not feasable due to the cost of traveling to pick my son up am thinking of appealing but am not bright enough to do it on my own and cannot afford another attorney is this possible on my own or do I just grin and bear it.
sgreenf1

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Reply with quote  #31 
Hello everyone. I am new here. I just want to say I have never felt more vulnerable in my life. Just recently, my current wife, my stepdaughter and I packed up all of our belongings, left our jobs, school, and relocated to a different state 5 minutes away from my ex wife and more importantly close to my teenage son and daughter. We made this move to allow me to be more involved in their lives and to be close to them as they fight the challenges of high school. Both of my children were so excited when they heard I was moving to be close to them. Both of them already claiming what room(s) would be theirs when we finally get to there. However, since day one of the move my ex wife has not only made our lives a living hell she has poisoned the minds of my children against me (parent alienation).My daughter who at first was so excited wont hardly ever come over to my house. She is now claiming that I have ruined her life and have made a mess of things. My daughter says the same negative things my ex wife says almost verbatim. One year ago before we moved my son told me and my ex wife he wanted to live with me. He still to this day wants to live with me. But my ex wife wont have it. To make matters worse my ex wife who is now divorced again has met a man online and who lives about 120 miles away. My ex wife frequently brings my children over to this mans house to spend weekends there and even though she has not said so yet, will in fact move my children to live with this man. I have joint custody of my children and this woman can NOT do this. This is NOT in the best interest(s) of my children. This woman is devious. This woman joked about moving a year ago just to get a rise out of me. This woman must be stopped. Problem is I dont know what I can do. I dont have the proper resources or money to even get a lawyer. This woman has also on top of all of this put a claim on my wages for child support the very first week I got a job. The current job I have is but a low paying labor job and I now have problems paying my current bills much less getting a lawyer to stop this woman who is also spreading lies about me and my family to people in a small town. can someone please help me.
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mike_a

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Reply with quote  #32 
How can I have sol custody of my son in Iowa? My soon to be ex, will be moving ti IL.
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FFDads

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Reply with quote  #33 

"soon to be ex"?  so I take it you will be divorcing or separating right?  the move may depend upon the distance the move is.  not sure about injunctions before a decree is in place but that may be something to consider filing to stop any move before it takes place....especially if you think your ex will just move regardless of your situation.  

 

if your son is in school, has doctors, and everything else where he currently lives...you may consider using that as argument for him to stay.  definately the school part if your ex is looking to move during the school year and put your son in another school (as school is in session right now)

 

Not sure if getting sole custody, as that will mean that your ex must agree to having little or no custody at all.  keep track of daycare or school where your son goes and maybe consider making them aware that you intend on bringing your situation to court as you do not want your child to move or change schools....idk though?  dependent upon your situation, i wouldn't be surprised if all of a sudden you find them not where they are suppose to be. 

 

Basically, if you don't believe your child should move....then put into place something now that will stop it.   if there is nothing filed or any action taken yet on divorce or separation...then file something right away. 

 

I don't have much experience in this, but it seems to be that the person who makes the first move has an easier time getting what they want??  I know it's not always the case, but dont delay on taking action if its going to affect your relationship with your child and the child's well being.

joeiadd37

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Reply with quote  #34 

Greetings to all,

It has been a long time since I first set up my user id and password. I have checked in occasionally to see what was happening. I find myself in a unique situation. During the great struggle that has unfolded due to a marriage with two children,and then a divorce I have seen some tough roads dealing with two states,who view any family as a factor of production for matching federal dollars.

I have been a very diligent scribe to record what has occurred over many years in the interstate,child support matter that unfolded. During the years I dealt with several unethical actors from the other state. The officials from this secondary state in the interstate,child support collection,gold rush decided that I was trying to behave as a human being rather than as a factor of their production goals and they sought to simply crush me in every way as an infidel.

These efforts by the secondary state did not proceed to the desired fruition. I spoke with many Iowa officials over years and unfortunately there was one Iowa CSRU employee who thought the secondary state should prevail no matter what had to happen. There were years of unethical and wrongful acts by this CSRU employee. 

My Iowa Court filing documented all these wrongful and illegal acts by this one CSRU employee & the other state. The filing and evidence was undisputed by Iowa and the secondary state after examining the massive filing for about 30 days.  The filing and exhibits were wll over 100 pages.

The evidence of the secondary state's misdeeds was overwhelming as was the evidence and exhibits concerning the Iowa CSRU employee. An email was sent to this Iowa CSRU employee,after her years of abusive conduct under the color of law. She (the questionable Iowa CSRU employee)found the email distasteful,and filed a charge of 3rd degree harassment which was dismissed by motion of the ADA along with a no contact order which was attached to the abusive charge.

Recently I was stopped on a minor traffic citation. I was told there was still a live no contact order concerning the Iowa CSRU official,which is not in accordance with Iowa Code,Constitutional and civil rights protections guaranteed to all Americans. There is retaliation occurring in this matter because neither the rogue CSRU actor,or any officials prevailed in this matter.

I have been watching Iowa Courts on line & the on line record seems to be altered daily to a different set of entries. These Iowa Courts online changes wholly favor the State,and I haven't been given a chance to appear.  Changes to Iowa Courts on line (by Iowa code) are not to occur without a judges specific approved entry and order.

I am asking for your help in the following way: I am attaching the case information for this one case. I would humbly ask that you watch the filings of this case with me to ensure that the State does not alter these data entries. If you could let me know you are watching the record,I would feel safer from wrongful acts by the State.


I want you to know: The email to the government office DID NOT threaten violence and DID NOT USE CURSE WORDS TOWARDS ANY PERSON.

Iowa CSRU records are tightly sealed and can only be released by a Judge's specific order,per Iowa Code.

I beseech you,please help me in this matter. I will be sure to take a more active role in the future with the efforts for all men and women to help those who struggle against difficult odds. Please note that outside of traffic violations, you will find two guilty entries: a $40 check that bounced almost 13 years ago and a public intox charge from 17 years ago. Thank you for your kindness in this matter!

May GOD bless and help as you strive to preserve and maintain your families!




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jub

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Reply with quote  #35 

I am also new to this site.. and I am a woman. I have been with my fiance for almost 5 years now. His two sons were only a couple months old & 3 years old when we entered each other's lives. I love them dearly, as they are my sons too.

I'm writing out of frustration at the system, or perhaps our lack of knowledge. But let me start off with the events in hopes to have a quicker read.

Oldest stepson at age 4: Mother moves into an apartment, puts the 4 year old in preschool. The 1 year old had taken a fall down the stairs at this apartment & directly went to sleep after the fall. She seeks no medical attention. She is also caught taking the kids to a bar/dance club. The oldest tells us she hits him. The youngest screams when she comes to pick them up from our home. We call DHS. They find.......nothing. She takes the 4 year old out of school, moves to another school district.

At age 5-6 Things were going smoothly.. then BAM, we get hit with child support (after stupidly giving her cash for this long) in the amount of $950 a month. On top of that, she refused to let us see the children. We filed for divorce & whatnot..agreed on visitation. She moves again to another school district.

Age 6-7 We have our regular visits..she moves again in the middle of the school year (but same school district). The more visits we have, the more the oldest is telling us his mom is calling stupid, fat, and if he doesn't behave he's not allowed to see his father. The oldest is also missing A LOT of school to the point the school made contact with us to find out what was going on. He was below the learning level of a child in kindergarten. We were very involved. We called DHS one more time.. they find.......................nothing. Oh & she moves again, to another school district.

Here we are, the oldest is 8 years ago. For the past year thinks went terrible. She is constanty partying (says BOTH of the children), she has an abusive, married, alcoholic man living with her. The oldest has missed 30 days of school this year alone. She asks us to take the kids when it's not our weekend, turns around and gets mad..send the cops to my home claiming we won't send the children back with her...2 hours after she dropped them off. When the two boys got here, both of them told me how her boyfriend (the older, married, alcoholic) had just pushed the youngest one down right before they came here. She came in a car full of people (6 people in an Impala) with no carseat, and the youngest was napping. We didn't answer the door in time, so even when the boys were sent outside, she sat there waiting for the cops to show up (which took 15 minutes). When the cop showed up at my house and looked dumbfounded as to what to do.. I kindly asked him what could be done about that man pushing the 4 year old. His response? "Nothing, he's not hurt is he"...so it takes a child to have a mark or worse.. in order for our police to do something? Or for DHS to do something?

Also, she has taken the 4 year old out of his preschool. The oldest is once again, so far behind learning-wise. We have been advised to call DHS again by the principal at the oldest's school. The school has already done it this year with....... nothing found. She had announced to us today she is taking the boys and moving out of state..and I quote ... because she's so tired of the bullshit with us calling and talking to the school & DHS showing up to her house.

What are we to do? Money is very tight..for reasons every single parent who pays child support knows about. Our old attorney is a Judge now & can no longer help us. I don't know how we could afford the fee for retaining a new attorney. What do we do? We offered her several times.. she can keep the child support (she's not working & hasn't in a year).. just let us have the children during school days. She refuses staying she's not stupid, we'll take her money.

Please, begging on my knees here, any help with be greatly appreciated.

danmrobinson

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Reply with quote  #36 

I am new to this site, I have an ex that hits me with expenses on a regular basis.  Her latest is paying half of my daughters cell phone bill.  My view it is a bill and not an additional cost that I should cover.  It has started a large war between us and has gone as far as her blocking my number from my daughters phone.  Please advise if this is a typical cost that the members would normaly pay.

pojuls

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Reply with quote  #37 

Hi I am new to this. I have been to court and because of who my ex's family is he got our daughters but we are to have joint custody, It has been over 4 yrs since I had my daughters. Court says I have joint.  He does not do anything the courts tell him he is suppose to do. When I have taken him t court the judge again does nothing because of his family. I have been told I have one of the worst cases of parent alienation in Iowa. H (19&16 yrs old). I had to read in the paper where my daughter was going to college. I got a text from someone that told me one of my daughters was in the hospital. He disconnected his phone so I called his place of work. They gave him the message but I never got a call to tell me what hospital and what daughter. He takes them to many dr's so I can not find things out. He tells them I am not their mother. I have to carry my divorce papers and birth cert with me at all times. I still have to prove I have my legal rights but schools, dr's, hospitals, and everyone will not give me a break. It is killing my family that my daughters will not have nothing to do with any of us. This could go on forever.  I wrote to our Gov. He gave me many numbers to call. I had to get back to him and tell him that all of them were for dead beat parents. I am a parent who pays child support but the judge wont even do anything he put in blk and white. We need parent alienation bills!!! Many people don't believe any of my stories until I show them videos, emails, text's and the divorce creed.


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dugjurg

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Reply with quote  #38 
Juls, I understand your frustration but your only recourse is thru the courts, not legislation. I would say you need a different attorney. If it is as bad as you state, and I have no reason believe it isnt, you have to file contempt charges against the other party. If you have the proof and the judge still rules against you than you have to appeal, over and over. If your attorney doesnt fight for you get a different one. The problem I see is that your children are old enough that by the time you get thru the courts the children will be old enough that the court no longer will have any jurisdiction. Have you filed contempt charges? If yes what was the verdict, if no why not and get a different attorney if they refuse to stand up for you.
pojuls

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Reply with quote  #39 
Quote:
Originally Posted by dugjurg
Juls, I understand your frustration but your only recourse is thru the courts, not legislation. I would say you need a different attorney. If it is as bad as you state, and I have no reason believe it isnt, you have to file contempt charges against the other party. If you have the proof and the judge still rules against you than you have to appeal, over and over. If your attorney doesnt fight for you get a different one. The problem I see is that your children are old enough that by the time you get thru the courts the children will be old enough that the court no longer will have any jurisdiction. Have you filed contempt charges? If yes what was the verdict, if no why not and get a different attorney if they refuse to stand up for you.
  Dugjurg, Thanks for writing back. I have gotten another lawyer. My first one was so upset fighting a red neck county. I forgot to mention that I get the same judge, his aunt is the clerk of court, sister runs the court house, and grandfather was the sheriffs and now the new one was his childhood friend. All of this is in a county that doesn't even have one stop light in the county. I have about 800 contempt's. When I do take him back the judge does nothing. All he has done is pulled my daughters farther away. I have many letters where his new wife writes me and puts some mean thing. I never reply to her. I wrote letters asking what the courts say I have all legal rights to know. (education, medical, extra activities, etc) They never answer those questions instead say rude comments like a Jr high student. I don't do that. I have video's, text, emails, and witness who wrote things up all that back up everything I say but it does no good.  I cant get it out of the county either since I moved out of there when his family followed me when I was going anywhere. My neighbors I had there couldn't believe that. It was the joke of the neighborhood.  

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Juls
dugjurg

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Reply with quote  #40 
Have you tried ombudsman? Attorney general? Appeals to higher courts?
pojuls

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Reply with quote  #41 

Quote:
Originally Posted by dugjurg
Have you tried ombudsman? Attorney general? Appeals to higher courts?
  I don't have no money I have spent so much already you would flip if you knew how much

 


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Juls
dugjurg

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Reply with quote  #42 
No, i do understand, I am on my 5th attorney.

I believe ombudsman is no charge. A complaint to attorney general or bar association for an investigation would not cost a lot.

No excuses, you cant quit trying. For your kids keep up the fight.
missingkids

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Reply with quote  #43 
I am new to this so please bear with me. I am a father to 2 children. Their mother & I split 6 years ago. The kids are now 13 & 9. I got remarried 3 years ago. I retained joint legal custody in the divorce & had my kids every weekend, every holiday & most summers. My ex has primary physical care but never had a problem with not being with the kids every weekend. When she found out that I was getting remarried, she began making issues out of things that were never issues before. I hired a lawyer & fought her in court for joint physical custody. As soon as that began, she & her lawyer stopped my from having the kids every weekend. There is a lot that happened in teh almost 2 years that it took to go to court. In the end, I lost because Iowa does not believe in joint physical custody when parent's cannot get along. I now owe almost $10,000 for lawyer fees. (I am forced to pay her lawyer fees as well as my own) That was 2 years ago & since then my relationship with my kids has deteriorated. They (more so the older) have shared info with me that I am "a horrible father who was trying to take the kids away from mom". She has seriously worked some mind games on these poor kids.

I have recently received a letter from her lawyer (I didn't even realize she was still seeing a lawyer) that my health insurance is not good enough for her. I have been informed that if I do not change it, I will have to pay for my son to see a counselor out of my own pocket. The whole issue is that the counselor will not be covered anymore on our current insurance. Can she & the lawyer really make me pay when the decree says that we have to pay half?

My other question is that I never liked my son going to this counselor. He is almost 2 hours away & the ex has this person believing that I am the only problem. I have tried to talk with this counselor more than once & it has never went well. Before court, my son went to another counselor that was in the same town my son lives in. That counselor agreed to testify on my behalf in court so the ex refused to let my son see him anymore. I know I am leaving a bunch of parts of the story, but since we both have joint legal custody, how can she be the only one to decide where our son sees a counselor? Granted, I'm not asking her to take my son back to the 1st one. I realize the ex would be too uncomfortable. I have begged her to take him to someone new that doesn't already have a biased opinion. I guess I just always feel like I don't matter in my children's lives. She has total control & makes a point to remind me of it every chance she gets. Is there anything at all that I can do?? Please, any advice is greatly appreciated.
missingkids

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Reply with quote  #44 
I am new to this so please bear with me. I am a father to 2 children. Their mother & I split 6 years ago. The kids are now 13 & 9. I got remarried 3 years ago. I retained joint legal custody in the divorce & had my kids every weekend, every holiday & most summers. My ex has primary physical care but never had a problem with not being with the kids every weekend. When she found out that I was getting remarried, she began making issues out of things that were never issues before. I hired a lawyer & fought her in court for joint physical custody. As soon as that began, she & her lawyer stopped my from having the kids every weekend. There is a lot that happened in teh almost 2 years that it took to go to court. In the end, I lost because Iowa does not believe in joint physical custody when parent's cannot get along. I now owe almost $10,000 for lawyer fees. (I am forced to pay her lawyer fees as well as my own) That was 2 years ago & since then my relationship with my kids has deteriorated. They (more so the older) have shared info with me that I am "a horrible father who was trying to take the kids away from mom". She has seriously worked some mind games on these poor kids.

I have recently received a letter from her lawyer (I didn't even realize she was still seeing a lawyer) that my health insurance is not good enough for her. I have been informed that if I do not change it, I will have to pay for my son to see a counselor out of my own pocket. The whole issue is that the counselor will not be covered anymore on our current insurance. Can she & the lawyer really make me pay when the decree says that we have to pay half?

My other question is that I never liked my son going to this counselor. He is almost 2 hours away & the ex has this person believing that I am the only problem. I have tried to talk with this counselor more than once & it has never went well. Before court, my son went to another counselor that was in the same town my son lives in. That counselor agreed to testify on my behalf in court so the ex refused to let my son see him anymore. I know I am leaving a bunch of parts of the story, but since we both have joint legal custody, how can she be the only one to decide where our son sees a counselor? Granted, I'm not asking her to take my son back to the 1st one. I realize the ex would be too uncomfortable. I have begged her to take him to someone new that doesn't already have a biased opinion. I guess I just always feel like I don't matter in my children's lives. She has total control & makes a point to remind me of it every chance she gets. Is there anything at all that I can do?? Please, any advice is greatly appreciated.
Belle29

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Reply with quote  #45 
If I were you, don't be afraid of what your ex or her attorney says or does.   It can be overwhelming, but try not to have it bother you that much.  It's easy to say, as I am in the same position as you.  Just be cautious with how you react, and basically behave yourself (not that you don't).

But at the same time, don't be afraid of responding.  Show them that they don't intimidate you.  If the decree precisely states that you both pay half, and there is no gray area of that statement in your decree....then just pay half.  Make it clear to her lawyer that the decree states that what they are saying is false. 

Keep accurate documents of what you receive as wells as what you send to them.  Keep anything else relating to your situation.  Keep documents showing that there are changes in your insurance.  Get proof that the counselor doesn't accept your insurance.

Although I'm just speculating, it's sounds as if they are either trying to get you to committ to accepting what they are telling you what you need to do (which if you do what they want then you may have difficulty arguing your issue in court), or they may be trying to build something up and take you back to court. 

Maybe, you could consider telling them that since it's under your insurance, and your insurance doesn't cover the counselor, then you'll be looking for another counselor that does accept your insurance.  It's not your fault that your insurance isn't accepted anymore.  

Also, if you believe that this counselor is hurting your children, then consider another route.  If you haven't already, request all notes and records that involve your children and start deciding how you can remove him.

Good Luck!





      





o1benson

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Reply with quote  #46 
I am new to this site and looking for advice.
Here is my situation: My ex died last March, KARMA finally caught up with her. She is owed back child support since the courts refused to follow the Iowa Supreme Court rules on calculating support. I was unemployed due to no fault of my own (stated in the divorce decree) However the Courts set support at over $800.00 a month anyway. The children are 24 and 26 years old today. My question is how does one go about having child support elimited when the person owed is dead? What is required to be filed? Thanks for any assistance!
Jakebennett

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Reply with quote  #47 
Hi Im so lost and so sad, I made the mistake of caring about the wrong girl. She was married with a 4mo old son and separated despite concerted efforts she got pregnant and I was actually a little excited and super scared, as soon as she found out she bolted and I never got to go to any appointments and ultrasounds nothing, she told everyone we knew that I didn't want anything to do with this child and it was nothing but lies, I got to go to the hospital the day my son was born and called back to the room after his birth and I held him in my arms and vowed to love and care for him, long story short in the state of Iowa I have no rights and she has only let me see my precious boy 3 times. She is a horrible parent she lived with a 16year old kid that stabbed his own brother infront of my son and his older brother. The "legal" father said my boy isn't his yet I cant get anyone to order a DNA test to prove my paternity. Im a young man with limited means I wish I could find a lawyer that would work with me. I just want to raise my son right and have him in a safe enviorment any one have any ideas please help
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rankinj1986

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Reply with quote  #48 
Hello my name is John Rankin. I have been in a very bad battle over my kids. I miss them so much. I have 3 children. 2 girls 1 boy. My attorney is less then concerned about my case and has not done anything to help me see my kids. If I could get some advice or positive reinforcement on my situation it would be amazing. Please help me I am willing to do all I need to just have no good legal advice or support. Thank all of you.
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Reply with quote  #49 
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